Theme Park Movie Massacre
by Psycho77728
Summary: Two friends are selected to test the newest technology in theme attractions.
1. Chapters one eighth, through one

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KEY: _'word' _= p.o.v. person's inner thoughts.

"word" = speech

#word#= action/occurrence

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word = sound

(word)= random....you'll figure it out.

(A-n: random comment)= author's note

Keep my philosophy in mind....during a film, I am dealing with the characters. I am not dealing with the people that play them. Even if I mention the actor who plays them, for whatever reason, I'm talking to the character during the story. ...this, of course, doesn't mean that my opinion of a character hasn't been previously shifted due to the presence of a familliar face. Also, chapters 1/8, 1/4/ and 1/2 will be short, moderately well written, and to the point. It gets much better later...I promise.

Thank You , the management =D

Chapter 1/8- Prologue

This is the story of two bestest buddies.....one of whom signed up for the opportunity to test new video games before their release. Honestly, most e-mails she recieved were for crappy games...things she never wanted to play in the first place, let alone have to test and fill out a stupid survey for suggestions. However, God has a reason for everything. One day she found an e-mail inviting her and one guest to test out a revolutionary new type of gaming. This was a super-advanced virtual reality simulator. It was going to be used as a theme park attraction. This, described as the "ultimate movie fan's fantasy", literally placed you in the film. A lucid dream of sorts. This girl, being the movie obsessed geek she was, happily accepted the invite. A few days later she was sent a letter with two free passes to the theme park, directions and instructions on what to do when she got there. Her one guest was her best friend......

Chapter 1/4- Woo...Yay..hooplah

Two teenage girls walked down a large paved area. One, a blonde haired girl, is holding a map and walking quite briskly. She seems to be in her own little world. The other, with dark brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, quickened her pace in an effort to catch up to her friend. She stopped long enough to look at her watch, which read "4:56 A.M.". She sighed, muttered something about how 'goddamned early it is' and began walking again. We then see that they are walking through an unoccupied theme park.

#zoom in on the front of the map the blonde is holding#.

"ELIZABETH!!", is shouted loudly, in an irritated tone.

#quickly pan up to see her green-blue eyes flash in alarm#

Elizabeth stopped abruptly, lowered the map and turned around.

Her friend, Laura, walked up towards her. She did not look like a very happy bunny. Laura then shouted, "GOD! I'm fat and it's five in the morning! Slow down whore!!"

Elizabeth laughed, "Sorry....", she said and waited for Laura to catch up.

When Laura did the two began to walk once more. "We're not far from the building at all now.", Elizabeth said.

About five mundane minutes of walking later, the girls found themselves in front of a huge building. It was covered with the beginnings of large, attention drawing signs and other nifty things.

"I'm gonna guess that this is the place..", Laura said, looking up to better see the gargantuan structure. Elizabeth shook her head, "Nope, This is gonna be some 'insert pathetic kid's tv program' LIVE show. We wanna go to that one.", she pointed to a humble, warehouse-type building to the right of it. Laura looked insulted, "oh.....well excuse me all to hell...", she stepped in front of Elizabeth, and began to walk towards their destination. Elizabeth shook her head in amusement and started toward the building as well.

They went in and saw that it was much nicer than the outside led one to believe possible. The interior design looked very similar to a museum.

"Ok....It says to go to room 10...", Elizabeth said, reading the confirmation letter she'd been sent. Laura pointed, "Hey...there it is. I can see the sign." The two girls eagerly jogged over to the doorway. The sign next to the door read "ROOM 10 (biatch!)". That last part had obviously been written with a sharpie marker. They looked at each other, then the sign, then each other.....then they laughed. Laura knew she had to....in a horridly raspy, black accent she said, "What did the five fingers say to the face?!"

Before Elizabeth could stop laughing and ask 'what?', Laura faux-slapped her, "SLAP, BITCH!!!..I'm Rick James!!"

They stood, blocking the doorway from no-one, until their laughter died down.

"ok...", Elizabeth began after both had fully recovered, "let's pimp this.."

They walked in the room and were confused when they found it dark, and empty.

Elizabeth became worried and a little flustered, "I don't understand....they said come EARLY. Don't tell me everyone is that damn lazy!", she scoffed.

As it turned out...the room was only almost empty. They saw someone stir..they'd been sleeping, head rested on the table, and very well camouflaged by the darkness.

"oh...Goodness. I'm so sorry..", the man got up and instantly went into action. He flipped on a light switch, illuminating the room. He continued to speak, "ah..you must be the first lucky ones.". He took the confirmation letter that

Elizabeth was holding. "Laura...which one would that be? ", Laura raised her hand slightly, "ok. so, that makes you Elizabeth. correct?" Elizabeth nodded, smiling. She stuck her hand out and waved at him. He paused for a moment after this, studying them. He then looked at his watch, "...My...You are the early ones. But, that's why we have this." He gestured to a large Jolt Cola vending machine. Elizabeth made happy little 'yeeee' sounds in the back of her throat. She ran to the machine, "OOOOO! only 75 cents."

Pulling three dollar bills from her wallet, she proceeded to get four bottles of the highly caffeinated beverage. Laura watched as her friend opened one of the bottles and began to drink it, she shook her head. Elizabeth chugged about 1/4th of the bottle. She recapped it and smiled, "This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old **ultraviolence**..", she said in a British accent. The small group then proceeded to a very 'bi-weekly bussiness meetings held here' type of room.

Chapter 1/2- VERY SHORT AND TO THE POINT..(so one can quickly move to the next chapter...which is very interesting.)

They then sat around a large table. I could go into the long and rambling monologue of the instructional man. But, How bout no. It was boring enough to make Elizabeth drink every last drop of the precious Jolt Cola in order to stay alert. I'll briefly outline all rules, info and guidelines.

I. General:

This new system places you in the most realistic virtual environment (since the one you live in right now). Everything will be felt in a way identical to real life. You will be in control of your actions. You can change what happens in the movie, and interact with characters. Pick any film from our VAST selections. Films run in a cycle, it is VERY possible that you will come into a film mid-way. However, a time is kept...it is possible to schedual an alert for the beginning of a film. You may exit the film at any time you wish.

You will have a wrist watch with four buttons: Exit= end current film, Abort=exit entire simulation, Help= Troubleshooting info, View= Read message from administrator. A small blue light is also on the watch. This light flashes if you have a message from an administrator. Some films will have built in safety programs, these can be turned off by an administrator. You can be injured....the mind makes your experience real. Everyone must go through at least one simulation, to test their stability, before the saftey can be turned off. Try to be independent of sudden physical contanct with charaters when you exit a film. If you press 'exit' and someone grabs onto your arm, they may be transported to the film selection area. This can cause terminal errors in the program, but is a VERY rare occurance. It is sometimes possible to use a feature where you play as a character that already exists in a film. Select this on the 'options' screen for a particular film. You will be in appropriate costume if the film's plot calls for it, but most of the details in your appearance will be controlled by your own mind.

II. Restrictions:

No pregnant women, No old people, and nothing X-rated....however R and NC-17 are permitted. You are the testers, you probably know what you're doing.......use you're own damn judgement.

(Hey, when I said BRIEFLY outline...I meant it.)

Finally, the girls were led into an equiptment filled room............a half hour of explaining and form signing later...

Chapter one- "Fuckin-A v1.0": The effects of jolt cola on persons locked in bathrooms with criminals

..the picture fully materialized around her and Elizabeth was a little surprized. This greatly differed from the endless white place where the program had loaded. She now stood in a rather trashy looking metal room. It kinda reminded her of the robot motel from that show Futurama. There was little or no room to move around, but she did her best to look for any evidence of the selection screen she was supposed to use. She turned to face the opposite wall. She searched for any type of button or switch. Suddenly, there was a rather hydraulic sound behind her. Elizabeth spun around to see a square section of wall above her head push out. The two top corners lowered slowly until the square had flipped down in front of her face to reveal a plasma screen. "...woah....That's boss.", Elizabeth said aloud to herself. A DDR-reminiscent selection system, with lists of choices as opposed to a wheel, flickered to the screen. _'hmmm....'_, Elizabeth thought and scanned across the first list of selections, _'OOO!'...._It seemed after only a few seconds she had found her first choice. She pressed the little blue button on the screen that said From Dusk Till Dawn. The selection screen faded only to be replaced by a new one with information about the movie. Just as the rather nervy man who'd given them instruction had suggested, the film was already in progress.

After a few moments of fuzzy darkness, in an abrupt transition, Elizabeth found herself sitting in the back of a winnebago. Being thrust into a film mid-scene was a tad bit jarring. She became more alert and examined her situation. She quickly recognized the scene she was in. _"oh shit..."_, Was all she could think.

Then, Seth's voice came from the front of the vehicle, "Richie..."

He seemed rather annoyed at being inturrupted, 'what?", he asked sharply.

Seth continued, " I told you to watch those kids, not to talk to them."

For some reason...possibly a glitch in the Matrix, Seth did not say the line about "cutting the chatter."

Elizabeth then crossed her arms and pondered her next move. She momentarily considered informing Kate of what she'd allegedly asked Richie. She smirked at the thought of Kate's possible responses. She mentally weighed the pros and cons until..

"What does your shirt say?"

Elizabeth looked up, a little surprized by the sudden and unexpected dialogue, "Oh..I'm sorry... what?" She asked, flashing a smile. Richie's eyes darted about for a moment......he began, "uh......I just wondered what your shirt said."

Elizabeth uncrossed her arms and looked down at herself. She really hadn't thought about her clothes. She was actually wearing something similar to her regular attire, but melded with what her father called "What girls are SUPPOSED to wear during summer."... This consisted of a pair of dark green/black camo cut-offs (her legs actually appeared to have some sun on them...woah), a pair of black sandals (the kind from Hot Topic with little skulls on them) and an oddly appropriate shirt for the occasion....Elizabeth chuckled, "It says 'Whatever happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.' what a coinquindink....."

Before anyone had the time to respond, the Mexican border came into view.

Seth seemed to reclaim command once again, "ok everybody, it's showtime........." another glitch in the Matrix "Richie....take.", he turned to Elizabeth, " What was your name again?"

She thought about giving him an alias, but didn't want to risk.....well. She couldn't really think of a risk...but, she had a feeling..."Elizabeth." she said.

Seth nodded, "Richie take Elizabeth to the bathroom. Kate, Scott....go up front with your dad."

The winnebago pulled to a stop. A border patrol-man (who looked striking similar to Cheech Marin) walked up to the window. Jacob put on a fake smile, "Hello Officer."......

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, insanity and very bad judgement ensue:

Elizabeth stood in the cramped lavatory. She was sandwiched between two convicted criminals, with a gun shoved firmly against her right cheek and an arm around her waist that kept her from moving a terrible lot...and kept her from taking in a large amount of oxygen. For most people this would be a time of panic, urgency and fear. However, Elizabeth never did fit in the category with 'most people'. She stifled eccentric giggles and the freakish urge to instigate a 'group hug', at least 85% of their stay. Generally she was more reserved than that,...but; considering the four bottles of Jolt Cola she drank in the training room (that were just now really taking effect), her enthusiastic love of really icky, violent movies, and her bizarre attraction to Quentin Tarantino (who just so happens to play the crazy mo-fo holding a gun to the side of her face as we speak), she felt like she was being very reserved just by keeping herself from laughing like a goddamned hyena every five seconds out of sheer giddy-ness..and possibly lack of air. But, no matter. To her, this was heaven. She listened in amusement as the brothers bickered. All seemed moderately well until Seth said, "As long as you don't act like a fuckin' nut, we'll be just fine."

Richie seemed none too happy with this, he removed both his gun from Elizabeth's cheek and his death grip on her mid-section. "What the hell is that supposed to mean??", he said angrily.

Elizabeth grinned, at this point she could've moved from in-between them......................._'nahh..'_. Anyone who tells you that it's more entertaining to watch a pair of armed-robbers/brothers argue from the sidelines, has either never tried it before or is a lying sack of shit. If only she had some popcorn....or maybe twizzlers.

Anyway, she returned her attention to the argument.

Seth looked confused, "What?"

Richie was apparently quite upset about this, "You just called me a fuckin' nut."

Elizabeth now decided she was in the mood to stir things up a little. This, indeed, was a simulation...why be plain when you can be crunchy? She cupped her hands over her mouth so they acted as what could be best described as a very small megaphone. "ooooooooooooooooh...", she said. This, of course, was an expletive she'd picked up at school. It resonated through the entire cafeteria whenever a conflict broke out, turning the entire student body into a Jerry Springer audience gone wrong. In her generation children had gotten much lazier, instead of chanting "fight" they simply said 'oooooh.." in a deep tone. Both brothers looked at her a little oddly. She smirked momentarily, now the center of attention. She lightly elbowed Richie and said, "ya know.....I wouldn't let him talk to me like that, if I were you."

Seth looked a little shocked..."Hey, just who the fuck asked you for your goddamn opinion!?"

Elizabeth arched her left eyebrow and smiled, _'God, I love being a smartass..'_. She just shrugged, "No-one..But, that never stopped me before. I watch the news. I know all about you two. I don't think it wise to call the person who broke you outta jail a fuckin' nut.." She'd always liked to believe the idea that most run-of-the-mill murderous weirdos just needed a little positive attention. There could've been no more opportune time to safely test the theory.

Richie just looked at her wide-eyed. It was the only time he could really remember someone being on _his_ side when there were other logical choices.......especially not a fucking hostage....and she hadn't been with them long enough to develop Stockholm Syndrome.

#cue Twilight Zone theme#

#cut away abruptly#

Meanwhile, up front:

Jacob talked to the patrolman as best he could.....but, Jacob was a really fuckin' bad liar. The officer looked at him suspiciously.

Scott could hear a lot of verbal activity coming from the tiny bathroom and an intense amount of doubt in his father's voice as he spoke to the border policeman. It was terribly unsettling. He worried for his cousin. She was stuck in a bathroom with those bastards, probably had a gun to her head..He figured if any cop got involved they'd almost definitely shoot her. He and Kate had been the ones to ask if she could go on vacation with them, it'd really be their fault if she got shot. He eyed his father's wallet on the floor next to the driver's seat. It'd been put there by Seth after he'd finished invading Jacob's privacy. Scott was struck with a sudden idea, and discreetly kicked the wallet to the back of the winnebago. Sure enough, as soon as he'd done this the officer asked his father, "Sir, can I see your license and registration?"

Jacob turned and looked at where it'd been sitting, he began to worry, "uhhh..."

Scott interrupted him, "Dad, You put it in the back earlier. I 'll go get it.' He got up before anyone had time to question this and headed towards the back of the vehicle......

Back in the room of intense small-ness and poor quality lighting (a.k.a. the bathroom) :

If there had been any fur in that restroom, it would've been flying by the time Scott poked his head in the door. He saw the kinda creepy/ angry man in a suit standing behind and slightly to the left of his cousin, who was facing the loud/angry man in a suit. (A-n: kinda creepy and/or loud, angry man in a suit.....XD #giggle-snort#) They were arguing quite intensely about something. Scott had a sneaking suspicion that his cousin Elizabeth had probably said something a little too headstrong for loud/angry man in a suit's liking. She'd do things like that periodically. She differed a lot from he and Kate. She didn't put up a front and she was damned unconventional, but somehow most adults still loved to talk to her.....obviously these ones did not. Even thought Elizabeth loved nothing more than a good debate every now and again, a person kidnapping you generally had no desire for disagreement. Scott tried to get their attention, "hey....", he said quietly..they continued arguing. They all seemed to be having fun with it now..#sarcasm#.. Scott sighed, "...HEY!!!", he yelled. This succeded. They all silenced and looked at him in unison, wearing the same surprized expression. "The border officer is suspicious already because dad can't lie......so, SHUT UP!!", he whispered. They all exchanged forgiving looks. "..yeah, ok.', Seth said. They nodded. Scott smiled, and closed the door. He grabbed the wallet off the ground and went back up front.

"Here dad....Sorry it took so long.", Scott said as he handed his father the wallet. Jacob began to hand it over to the officer. "That won't be nessicary sir. I'm coming aboard. I'll look at it then.", The sleazy looking patrolman walked around to the door of the winnebago and knocked. (I don't know why he knocked....) Kate opened the door and just prayed for...something....

At this point the inhabitants of the bathroom had decided it would be a good idea to take temporary residence in the shower. Because it was meant to be mobile, the shower had a unique door which looked more like a refrigerator door than anything that ever belonged in a bathroom. A less cryptic description would be that it was water-tight and opaque. There were actually two separate lights in the bathroom, one over the sink and one in the roof of the shower. This was stupid, because there was only one light switch. It'd been turned off, because we all know nothing is more suspicious to a border patrolman than an empty lighted bathroom in a motorhome. It was totally pitch black, and totally silent. This was pretty cool actually...very relaxing. At least, until they heard someone step in the winnebago. A terribly tense vibe grew between the people in the darkened shower. (-A-n: That last sentence is one I never would've guessed I'd write.) Elizabeth whispered as quietly as she could, "...the suspense is terrible, I hope it'll last." If either Seth or Richie recognized her use of a Willy Wonka quote, (not that she thought they would..) neither of them was willing to say so at that moment. They listened as the footsteps of what was probably a short fat man came up outside the bathroom. a distinctly Mexican voice said, "I'll ask you again...is there anyone else in this vehicle, beside you, your son and your daughter?". However, they failed to hear a reply. There were soft indistinguishable sounds. After what was really 30 seconds but seemed like 15 minutes, the door to the bathroom was jerked open. Footsteps came inside and thumped around a little.

Elizabeth felt the air on the right side of her face move. _'W.T.F?' _She turned her head as a reflex, but of course she saw nothing...being that it was completely dark. She figured there was a good chance this was a bad thing. However, she tried to ignore it... It was probably nothing......_'yeah right, think about who you're next to,,..'_. She took a deep, silent breath in and cautiously raised her hand. She tried in vain to find whatever had moved, but felt only air. She silently continued to reach into the unknown, thinking of all the possible things she might come in contact with. Her hand shook a little. She was about to just say 'screw it', and bring her hand back to her side where it belonged. Then, success!...oh wait....no..just something worse. She felt cold steel....a gun...pointed right in the general direction of the sound that the short-fat-Mexican-policeman's feet produced. She moved her hand, then she felt warm, slightly clammy skin......then duct tape. _'shit...he's gonna shoot the mothefucker..'_, she thought.

'please,,..tell me you did not JUST figure that out. slow-face.', her subconscious said. Her subconscious was very moody today.....it picked a wonderful time too. #sarcasm# But, back to the story... Elizabeth knew that shooting a border patrolman would be NO help to the film's continuity at all. She lightly pushed on Richie's hand, trying to get him to lower the gun. He flinched. She flinched more. Terrible suspense...Elizabeth had gotten what she'd hoped for after all. _'Maybe that used up all my luck for the day.'_ she thought. But, unwilling to give up, she tried that last resort thing....... an attempt at telepathy. _' Don't shoot the fuckin' officer.....that's a bad idea. You can shoot plenty of anonymous Mexicans in Mexico without trouble...just wait a few minutes.' _She repeated the thought a few times. Just when she started to feel really stupid for every thinking that she could use telepathy, she felt Richie lower his hand.

'woah.....did I just make him do that?', she thought. Then she also heard the steps of the patrolman seem to fade. she began to relax, _'this just keeps getting more and more...._

****

BANG!!!!

In a final pathetic attempt to make a bust, the Mexi-cop banged on the shower door with all his might after making a faux exit. No-one standing in the shower even breathed differently. God bless the huge amount of stamina watching horror films obsessively or robbing people can place in one. The officer groaned due to lack of response. He muttered something in Spanish, and his footsteps were heard stomping out.


	2. Fuckin' A, reloaded: Blood, whiskey, ref...

oh yeah...before I forget..I don't own ANY of these mo-fos except those who were not already present in a film. woo.

Chapter two- "Fuckin-A, Reloaded": blood, whiskey, refried beans and what-have-you...

The winnebago rolled into Mexico just before sundown. Once the border had mostly faded from view, Kate scrambled to the bathroom. She stepped in carefully, as it was still pitch black, and filpped the light switch. The room instantly blinked back into view. Three yelps of shock, that varied greatly in pitch, came from behind the closed shower door. Kate froze for a second. For the first time since this mess began she cracked a smile. She flung open the shower door and saw three pairs of widely opened eyes. For a moment, they seemed strangely anime. "Boo...", Kate said matter-of-factly.

A few moments later, Kate was back at the front of the R.V. with her father and brother. Richie exited the cramped little hell-hole of a bathroom. He walked over to a side window and glanced out at the vomit-colored Mexican landscape. Elizabeth cracked her neck, _'finally to the fun stuff.'_, she thought and attempted to walk out. Seth grabbed her arm, "Hey. Hold on.", he said. He didn't exactly sound annoyed, but there really isn't a better word..............

Elizabeth spun around, "Yes?", she said, looking at him as though he was just any random dude asking what time it was. Seth looked back at her blankly, she was waaay too comfortable with this whole situation. He wondered exactly how he should talk to her. He began, "Look, I know you might think you know alot about me and my brother; but I'm telling you right now, you can watch every special fuckin-bullshit report on the six, eight, ten, AND eleven o'clock news and you will still not know shit."

Elizabeth nodded, "Yeah, that's definitely reasonable. What's your point?"

Seth rolled his eyes, "MY point is....YOU don't need to put in your 2-cents about what we do or say."

Elizabeth frowned a little, " oh......I'm sorry about that. I didn't really mean anything....."

She was inturrupted. "No...I still don't seem to be getting my point across.", Seth said. He pointed out the half-open door, at Richie, "You see that son-of-a-bitch? right out there?"

Elizabeth looked out the door at him, she looked back at Seth, "Are you aware that you, technically, just called your mom a bitch?"

Seth let out an exasperated sigh, "Do you see him!?", he said through his teeth.

"Yes....I do.", Elizabeth said.

Seth's voice returned to normal, "Do NOT encourage him. Don't make any more attempts to be 'friendly'....",

This time it was Seth who was interrupted by Elizabeth, "Well...why not? Has anyone else ever tried being nice?! I'm guessing any other hostages you've taken were either scared and weak, tried to escape, or may have even gotten hostile! How well did that go for them?!! hmm. Let's see.........they're DEAD. I don't know about YOU..but I don't think that's a very favorable outcome!!", she took a deep breath. She looked at Seth, he just gaped at her. He looked like there was a good possiblility that he was about to say something. Elizabeth knew what his next argument would inevitably be, she saved him his breath, "Now, about the craziness factor.....and do not say anything.....I know we're both thinking it. Crazy, I can handle. A good 89% of the people I choose to socialize with are considered crazy.....", She patted him on the head, "also,....keep this in mind, sir. YOU don't really know ME either." With that, she walked out of the bathroom.

Seth just stood there, "..............shit."

LATER:

#cut to winnebago pulling up in front of the Titty Twister, it parks. Everyone gets out.#

Many different variations of sleeze surrounded the trashy bar, all of whom were getting '10 kids of nasty'. Our heros seemed to complete the scene, in a way, as they approached the cesspool.

Elizabeth saw another man that looked strikingly simillar to cheech marin. He stood at the bar's entrance with a microphone, yelling things about pussy and those who seek it. Obviously, he eyed Kate and Elizabeth as the group drew nearer the door. Before he could say anything, Elizabeth zoomed past, grabbing his microphone. (his name is Chet, by the way..)He looked distraught, but could do nothing. She held it out of his reach and out of range of her voice, ".I'd bet there are quite a few people who'd love to beat your annoying alien-head to a pulp, so...you let one asshole comment about me or my cousin pass through that festering little mouth of yours, and I tell the motherfuckers to act on their wishes. Can you dig it?"

He obviously didn't expect that, and simply nodded in responce. Elizabeth flung the microphone out into the parking lot, and the group attempted to enter. Chet still confronted Seth, in particular, about not being able to come in. This was a poor choice....Seth broke his fingers, his lumpy nose and left him laying on the ground in pain. As he did Elizabeth giggled, pulled a disposeable camera from her pocket and snapped some pictures. This was one wonderful thing about already knowing the events of the movie you enter....you don't miss anything. The rest began to make their way towards the entrance...not Elizabeth. She stayed right where she was, camera ready.

#cue that "Living in the sunlight, having a wonderful time" song from the first episode of spongebob#

Just as had happened in the movie, Richie circled back and kicked Chet in the ribs about four times while he was down. He yelled as he did this,

"HI"

****

thwack

"HOW YA DOIN?"

****

thwack

"ENJOYING IT?"

****

thwack

"I HOPE SO!"

****

thwack

Elizabeth snapped numerous pictures and laughed happily. Joining in on the fun, She walked up and kicked Chet in the forehead a couple of times, "How bout them apples, Tito!?" She wasn't sure why she called him Tito...it just seemed like the thing to do. Richie looked at her with an expression that fell somewhere in the middle of amusement and "W.T.F?". She looked back blankly and slightly cocked her head to one side, "What?...Man, I gotta admit, that's really fun. Twice as fun as it looked....just one for the road..." She kicked Chet again.

"So...you said you weren't a sibling to either of them...right?", Richie asked. He motioned to the inside of the bar, and what he meant was understood. "Right. I'm their cousin from outta town..FAR outta town.", Elizabeth replied as they started toward the door.

Meanwhile,back at headqua....er, I mean, Inside:

"Where you two fuckers been?", Seth asked, grinning for no particular reason. Elizabeth laughed, and said as thought she meant it, "It was crazy...we were attacked by rabid vacum cleaner salesmen..", Elizabeth sat in the closest of two empty chairs on Kate's left and looked around. She remembered the humor she'd found in the weird Mexican band that had played there. She looked at the stage to see if they were more humorous live. But, the Mexican band wasn't there....it was Tenacious D. O.o hm.

They weren't playing or anything...they were taking down their stuff. _'that's surprizing....must tell Laura about that, She'd be thrilled.'_, Elizabeth thought to herself. She set her camera on the table.

dramatic change in tone occurs

Elizabeth looked over at Richie who, at the moment, happened to have his glance fixed on nothing in particular, across the room. She got up from her seat and walked around to his side of the table. Elizabeth smirked devilishly, and swung her leg over his lap so that she was sitting to face him. She pulled the scrunchy out of her hair and shook her hair into her face. Richie's eyes got big and a slight smile grew on his lips.

"So, Richie...", she said, biting her bottom lip.....

#Cut To (in real-life): Laura in Elizabeth's Room. She is sitting in front of the computer screen...typing, and laughing manically. Elizabeth walks into the room holding a fresh cup of coffee and an unopened granola bar. The clock on her shelf reads "2:05 A.M."#

Elizabeth: sees Laura at computer Laura......what are you doing??

Laura: o.o oh..#surprized#..nothin,.,,,,,#moves away from computer slowly#. She's giggling, and doesn't even look at Elizabeth

Elizabeth: #Takes sip of coffee and reads the few lines that weren't there when she left# o.O WTF?? #spits coffee# Laura! #a little peeved# dammit,,,,,this is not _your_ story, nor is it meant to be written in _your_ style.....and my hair was never in a scrunchy to begin with. #highlights what Laura typed (from "dramatic change in tone" to last "Cut To:" scene transition) and erases it# (Did I mention that Laura's writing style best fits in pornographic magazines?)

Laura: #pouts# aw...you're no fun.

Elizabeth: #laughs# I know.

#Cut to: blank screen. the very uncharacteristic scene appears.. REWIND#

#Cut to: Inside Titty Twister, Elizabeth sits down at the table and sets down her camera.#

After a few moments of odd silence, the piercing sound of feedback assaulted everyone's ears. Elizabeth turned to see that the little Mexican band had come on-stage, they began to play. The room slowly darkened. Elizabeth's eyes darted around. _'oh fudge...' _She turned her attention to the woman coming on the stage. The man had announced her just like in the movie. Everything else had been the same as in the movie; but, Santanico Pandemonium seemed different. When she first came on-stage her face remanied shadowed and out of sight. Elizabeth decided, for the moment, to disregard the strangely different, yet horribly familiar Santanico. She did this due to more important matters....First of which was getting the upper-hand when fighting vampires. She wondered how exactly she should do this. Her mind began to sort through plausible plans of action. Easy....stake Santanico before she can cause any trouble. This "trouble" brings us to another "matter" considered "important" by Elizabeth. Her thoughts were soon halted by her more rational side....

'Wait a minute.....why exactly do you want to risk your neck to keep this nut-job, bastard from being made one of the undead?'

At this, she lowered her eyes to that neutral 'lookit me, i'm in deep thought' position. Her gaze then fixed on Richie. He didn't notice, which she supposed was good. She sighed. She'd always had a strange sympathy for kink-ridden-weirdos.....made-up-movie-kink-ridden-weirdos, anyway. But still...

She then answered herself, _'why not?..and anyway..you gotta help the others as well...saftey in numbers.'_

Her eyes drifted to Kate, who was sitting next to her. Kate was wearing that generic 'woman watching a stripper' look of disgust. Elizabeth half-ass smiled....she stared off, lost in mundane thought.

#Cue "Neodämmerung" in background.....grows gradually louder# She was ripped from this by the sound of someone stepping on their table, and the sight of this person's feet. _'aw shit.. well, no time like the present...', _Elizabeth looked up angrily, semi-preparing for battle. The anger was replaced by shock when she saw the face of.....Laura. #music screeches to a stop# Elizabeth jumped up, inadvertantly knocking her camera on the floor next to the table, "LAURA?! What the fuck are you doing trying to be Santanico Pandemonium??"

Laura's shock surpassed Elizabeth's, and she seemed a bit flustered.

"Well...I figured it'd be cool to be Selma Hayek for a little while.....AND I didn't really expect to see you here either!"

Someone sitting somewhere said, "woah...you know her?". The whole bar was also reacting oddly. Neither of the girls seemed to really notice.

Elizabeth exhaled sharply, "I hope you weren't planning on following the script......I don't want to stake the shit out of my best friend, just so she won't suck a psycho dry..."

Laura arched an eyebrow, "huh? why in the Hell would you stake me? "

Elizabeth discreetly motioned toward Richie and whispered, "you were gonna kill him....that's bad...I was gonna stake you before you got the chance, also obtaining the mere glory of staking you first. Well, not YOU....but..Santanico."

Laura nodded, "Yeah...I know.", she saw how deep into all of this her friend was, "Sometimes I worry that you take this shit too seriously..."

Elizabeth looked surprized by her friend's comment at first. She then smiled and shrugged, "It only matters while we're in here...I figure, if you're gonna play...**play**."

Laura laughed.

.......Neither of them noticed one of the strippers locking the large wooden door that served as entrance and exit from the titty twister, but Elizabeth did notice when she said that familliar "phrase 'o' impending doom".

.."dinner is served...", the stripper's face then contorted horribly. The frenzy began. Ugly, cling-on-lookin, vampire strippers leapt all around. Blood, whiskey, refried-beans and what-have-you were strewn in every corner....it was true carnage.

"OH SHIT!", this seemed to have been said in unison by all connected parties in this P.O.V....(for the easily confused: Fuller family, Gecko brothers, Elizabeth, and now Laura)

They were all now standing.....er..well...strike that, no-one was sitting at the table anymore. Kate, Scott, and Jacob were all barricaded behind the aforementioned table....which protected them surprizingly well. As for the unlucky ones...[otherwise known as Seth, Richie, Laura (a.k.a. Santanico), and Elizabeth] They stood in a very asymmetrical square, smack dab in the middle of the bar. No vampires were advancing towards them at the moment......this was obviously good.

But, as fate would have it, they did not stay in the eye of the storm for long.

Suddenly, one rather infected looking vampire stripper, with big nasty pointy teeth fully extended, flew out of nowhere and clung to Richie's shoulders. Within milliseconds she'd sunken her tarter colored fangs into the side of his neck, and torn away a substantial amount of flesh . He yelped out in pain and alarm, jerking about in an effort to remove the highly-evolved leech that was now draining his blood.

****

thud

squish/crunch

#blood-spatter flies#

****

SPLAT

The vampire seemed to float down from her victim's back and stand on the floor. A severely wounded Richie slumped to the ground. He was probably not dead, but definitely not living.

#focus on Seth and Vamp-whore#

The nasty she-demon gave Seth a "come-hither" look and blew him a kiss, the fresh blood of his brother still clinging to her lips. "Fuckin Vampire Bitch...", Seth said to himself as he turned away for a moment. He grabbed an empty liquor bottle and slammed it on the edge of the bar, breaking the end of the neck. He spun around and flung the broken end of the bottle at the ugly bitch.

****

woosh........thuck......slam

It hit her directly in the heart. She screeched and went up in flames. (A-n: YAY!)

#focus on Laura and Elizabeth#

Laura had ducked away when the vamp-whore attacked. However, Elizabeth never really got a good chance to move.....so she didn't.

Laura now looked back at Elizabeth...... She choked back a bit of laughter and cautiously walked up to her, "oh shit..."

There stood Elizabeth, wearing a very smug expression....her hair, face, and upper torso covered in Richie's blood. She barely opened just one of her eyes, keeping the other closed (because..hey, who wants blood in their eye), and looked at Laura. "goddamnit....", Elizabeth muttered. Her voice sounded unexpectedly upbeat....or maybe just expectedly cynical. Laura grabbed Elizabeth's camera off the floor and took a picture of her friend.

Suddenly, an obnoxious DJ could be heard over a loudspeaker..."OH! that was a good one....let's see it in instant replay!!", he laughed heartily. A large plasma screen came on. It was embedded in the only blank wall. Laura and Elizabeth came on the screen. In slo-mo it replayed Laura diving out of frame, and Elizabeth being hit by a mini-tidal wave of blood. It reminded her of the old shows on Nickelodeon where they did that to people. Except, this was with blood instead of green slime and was not hosted by Mark Summers. Elizabeth used her hands to wipe away enough blood so she could open her eyes to see. This was difficult, because her hands weren't exactly free of the crimson substance. As she did, she thought, _'_ _Man, there is NO fucking way in Hell!! No-one fucking bleeds that fucking much!! ...........well, I don't think so anyway.....then again, this is a movie.'_

"GODDAMN!!!! That was a lot of mutherfuckin blood, BIATCH!!!" , was shouted from someone standing somewhere behind Laura.

"Yeah, Thanks Fuck-Mook!! I noticed!!", Elizabeth yelled back. She didn't bother to look at who said it.

#focus on Laura#

Laura gasped, she recognized that voice. She took a deep breath in and spun around, smiling, "Hey sexy.....", she said.

She saw exactly who she'd expected to,......

#focus on Elizabeth#

'did I just hear something about non-blood-sucking-mamacitas? WTF? What dumbass would care about hot chicks right now? Vampires are attacking....',Elizabeth, who was surprized at the total lack of vampires attacking her, opened her eyes and turned in the direction of Laura. Her vision came into focus and she saw her friend rabidly making out with Jack Black. Now she remembered the man giving instruction telling them how details in a film could be changed subconsciously....and Laura had been here awhile. _'oh....Well, that explains the booking changes....'._

All she could do was laugh,.... her best friend had come into the film, as someone Elizabeth had planned to ram a stake through, and was now swapping spit with one half of Tenacious D.

By the end of this culmination of bad timing, bad choices and bad taste; Elizabeth was standing alone, covered in blood, in the middle of the bar. She would've fought the vampires happily , but for some strange reason they wouldn't even come near her....or Laura. Probably the safety feature.

"Fuckin' A......"


	3. ChapterdandruffAccidently leaning on the...

Chapterdandruff™**- Accidently Leaning on the Buttons: "So,....how bout them Lakers?"**

("chapterdandruff™" definition: an unintentional idea for a chapter that just kinda falls off of a story while writing....like dandruff falls off one's head.

I'd also consider it to be a 'bonus chapter', kinda like a deleted scene.)

#Intro cheesey old-school rocky and bullwinkle type music/generic intro animation#

#also intro cheesey rocky and bullwinkle type voiceover#

When we last left our hero.. she stood alone, blood soaked and irritated. pause

We rejoin her in the same condition:

#cut to setting in very last line of chapter two#

Elizabeth pondered her next move. She glanced at the small wrist watch that controlled her presence in the film.

Just as she was about to press "exit", things began to change. A wave of intense nausea hit her, she stumbled and fell to the floor. Her head pounded as though tiny DDR-thletes were in her skull playing 'Paranoia Rebirth'... doubles, on heavy mode. Everything around her blurred. Distorted voices and a buzzing sound assaulted her ears. Then, everything went black. I'm not just talkin' some bitch-ass Oprah Winfrey black...I'm talkin' Snoop Dogg black.

Slowly, things began to fade back in. Elizabeth wondered where she was. Her vision was still really out-of-focus. _'am I still in the simulation?'_, she focused on the sounds around her. She heard a tv, it sounded like the news...she only caught a few words, "..pulled off a daring daylight escape....changes death toll to 15, and 1 hostage, a young girl. Her other wherabouts are unconfirmed", it sounded like a familiar newscast. Her vision was returning to normal, she then became aware of the fact that her wrists were bound together. She looked down, and saw that they were bound with duct tape. She was no longer covered in blood, which was definitely a plus, and was dressed the same as before. She was sitting on a couch in what looked like an ugly motel. Still not quite able to process information normally, she began to recognise where......

"You wanna come over on the bed and watch tv with me?"

'_oh fuck..'_, Her mind snapped back to full awareness. She was definitely still in the simulation. She was even in the same movie, but, how did she get HERE in the movie? More importantly, why had she completely removed, and replaced a small charater that was already in the film? ....of course, this was trivial at the moment. She wasn't gonna be able to pull this duct tape off herself, and it covered her watch, so no escape. _'shit shit shit....ok. just think...we don't wanna get shot, among other things. So, whaddaya do?' ___

She stood up and shuffled over to where Richie sat on the bed, flipping through TV channels. He looked at her sympathetically and patted the spot next to him.

' Well.........I don't know how to feel just now..' nervous eye twitch

Elizabeth sat down, "do they have cable?", she slipped her sandals off and layed her feet on the bed.

_'well that was stupid as hell....'_

He replied in a semi-disappointed tone, "No...".

Elizabeth looked disgusted, "Shit! That sucks. No-one ever has anything worth a rat's ass on local channels during the day. ", she paused momentarily, "Unless you're a dumb fuck that watches soap operas...."

Richie laughed and nodded, that sure was different from what most hostages said....there was a lull in the.. well, you couldn't really call it a conversation...

"Hey, will you do me a favor?", he heard her ask aprehensively......that was definitely different from what most hostages said,

Elizabeth could almost hear the 'shoof' sound effect as his eyes fixed on her. "Yeah?", he asked.

Elizabeth's subconscious spoke up again,_ 'you certainly worded that in the worst way possible. I'm starting to think that you like causing trouble for yourself sometimes.'_

She smiled, "I wondered if you'd take the duct tape off my wrists....it really cuts off my circulation. You can put it back before..."

He cut her off, "Ok..."

'that was easy..', She held out her wrists. Richie carefully removed the crudely placed, and unessicarrily abundant layers of duct tape....damn, she had long fingernails. There were a few moments of quiet. A few too many, for this situation, by Elizabeth's thinking. She said the first thing that came to her mind, "So.........how bout them Lakers?"

He arched an eyebrow and removed the last of the tape, flinging it across the room over his shoulder, "uh....I dunno. I don't like basketball."

Elizabeth nodded, "Me either....I just couldn't think of anything else to say...still can't." She then realized that Richie neglected to let go of her wrists, _'....and so it begins.'_ , she thought....

Two things remained constant despite the thick, awkquard-ness floating thorugh the room......1. Elizabeth lacked the ability to fear Richie. 2. Her little strategic mind was also constantly thinking of ways to better this situation; because as long as she couldn't push the little 'exit' button on her watch, she was stuck in it. (....and we don't wanna end up like the hostage in the movie. X.x)

Elizabeth inadvertently caught Richie's glance. Her eyes seemed to be glued to his in a unintentional staring contest..it is debateable who was victorious in this..

Elizabeth, still having not gained control of her wrists, tried to make conversation, "What happened to your hand?" (of course, she already knew what had happened to it....but he didn't know that she knew.)

He grimaced, "A convienience store clerk shot a hole throught it..."

"..I bet that hurt. But, if duct tape won't fix it, nothing will.", she smiled half-heartedly. He nodded rather absently. There was silence. _'...Never give up on the good times, Gotta believe in the love you find. Never give up on the good times. Livin' it up is a state of mind...'_, Elizabeth mentally sang to herself. She was now damning her idea to listen to the Spice Girls, just for nostalgia, on the drive down to the theme park. , _'Irony.........odd song for this situation..'_, Spice Girls songs had always stuck in her head like a son-of-a-bitch.

Outside:

A small sedan pulled up in front of the hotel. The couple inside was far too large to have any business owning such a small car, but that isn't the point. They parked the overworked little vehicle just in front of the room that our present plot's main characters inhabit. The man opened his door. He pressed the little red button that popped the trunk. He stepped out onto the paved parking lot, stretched a little, and trudged over to the trunk. This whole time he didn't bother to turn off the car, or even shut the door.

"Earl??" The woman he was travelling with called to him. She was standing a few feet away on the concrete sidewalk that lay at the doorsteps of the rooms. He looked at her, "Yeah honey?", he said starting to pick up a suitcase. She giggled, "We should probably get a room before we unpack.." The man smiled. He put the suitcase down and walked over to her, " Yeah I suppose you're right....I've been driving too damn long today.", he said. The hefty pair laughed loudly and headed towards the office.

Meanwhile back in the room:

Muffled speaking and laughter could be heard from outside. Elizabeth leaned over and peered out the window. She saw the man and woman as they moved ever closer to the office. She also saw their totally ungarded car, "man those dumbasses are just leaving their car wide open for god and everybody....I'm gonna laugh when someone steals it."

She could almost see the lightbulb appear above Richie's head. His gaze sharpened and he turned his head to look out the window. He turned back around, and thought for a few moments. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but hesitated.

Elizabeth paraphrased, in one word, what he would've taken alot longer to say.

"Roadtrip?", she asked sarcastically, arching an eyeborw. (A-n: Dammit, I'm witty!) She'd never before felt such a strong conflict between weather to act rational or nonsensical.

The way time passed, and events occured next are best described with a simple adjective: quick (A-n: like a bunny?)

Elizabeth was yanked from where she'd been seated and was now being led out the door. Richie kept a tight grip on her elbow as they headed toward the car. _'We're off to see the wizard!' _, Elizabeth thought to herself.

Meanwhile, in some other room:

An old woman, probably in her 70s, sat looking out the window. Her daughter had asked if she'd wanted to go on vacation with her, her husband, and her teenage son. Of course, the old woman didn't say no. She loved spending time with her daughter, thought she wasn't totally sure about that man she married. She'd would've really enjoyed spending more time with her grand-son, but he was that typical teenager. He hated being with anyone but his peers, and people less than 5 years older than he was. The elderly lady was looking out the window while waiting for her daughter and son-in-law to prepare for the family outing. He grand-son sat on a bed, drowning in his MTV( he watched any tv, anytime...but MTV was his fav.) She saw a young girl walking hurriedly to keep up with a grown man. The girl was dressed nicely....pink shirt, not trashy looking, combed blond hair that was a little past shoulder length. The older woman smiled, "See Thomas...", she turned and pointed at her grand-son, "Now that's a nice girl.", she gestured back out the window, "That girl respects her elders. See how she stands right with that man. She isn't off all willy-nilly, messing about. You should find a nice girl like that Thomas. She would have a good influence on you." The old woman continued grinning. Her grand-son scoffed, "Yes Grandma..", but he was interested in the prospect of a girl....he stood up and walked to the window. He looked at the girl for a moment, but the man caught his attention more. He squinted, that guy looked really familliar. The boy sifted through his memory, trying to match the image. Then it dawned on him. He'd been watching the boring news with his boring mom this morning...but there had been one interesting story. Two brothers.......dangerous guys, not too far from where they were. Robbers....murderers....kidnappers. The one of them was a sex offender...and THERE HE WAS, with a young girl...she had to be a hostage.

The boy gasped, "Oh shit!", he yelled.

His grandma looked appauled, "THOMAS!!!!!!"

His mother was soon seen storming out of the bathroom. She had a towel wrapped around her wet hair, and a glob of bright blue toothpaste on her cheek. She held the toothbrush it'd come from. She yelled, "THOMAS GLEN BRODY!!! You better thank you're lucky stars that your daddy's in the shower!!!"

The boy just pointed out the window, "but....it's the...and he.."

His mother kept fussing, "No sir, you cannot talk you're way out of this."

The boy looked very concerned, "But, ..THAT GIRL!....and she'll....we gotta!"

His mom now grabbed him by the ear and, despite his struggling, drug him away from the window, "son...when your father gets out of the shower I'm telling him what you said. I don't want to hear one WORD from you for the rest of the night. If I do....no tv for a month. do you understand?"

The boy couldn't do anything other than nod.

Back to our regularly schedueled programming:

Richie looked in the trunk, it was full of luggage. "Dammit.", He slammed it shut. Elizabeth felt really lucky for the first time in awhile. She looked at the trunk, _'boo-yah..'_ , she smirked.........

CLIFFHANGER!!!! ......stay tuned to see the shocking conclusion!!


	4. Xx ack

gee-zus.......Just wanted anyone still even remotely interested, probably no-one, to know that I'm indeed not dead...and neither is this story. I'm simply on quite a hiatus, school started awhile ago and now swallows up ALL of my time.....but, do not give up hope.


End file.
